Compassion

Developing a sense of compassion for others is a complex interplay between life experience (learned) and temperament (innate). When an infant is born and begins to experience the world it begins to determine if the world is a safe and nurturing place, or an uncomfortable scary place. A baby who is left hungry, crying and uncomfortable will learn that the world is a bad place that cannot be trusted. A well cared for baby will usually explore the world with curiosity and trust.

Take these two children and put them on the school playground.
Each falls down and scrapes a knee. Does someone help them? Does someone laugh at them? How does the child react to this?

They see a child get knocked down by a bully. How do they react?

You may think that the poorly cared for child would not have compassion and the happy child would be concerned, but that is not how it works. A happy child who has no experience of bullying or bad treatment may have no compassion. The sad child may well have compassion.

The difference lies in who the child identifies with. A child may see the bully as powerful and successful. If a child identifies with the "powerful" bully, they will likely show no compassion for the victim. On the other hand, a child may be able to relate to the victim recognizing how awful it feels to be victimized. If a child identifies with the victim they will probably be compassionate.

You can teach compassion if you can help someone to identify with the victim and recognize the pain. You can teach bullying if you make the bad guy appear powerful or rewarded for the behavior. Consider this when you think about television and movies and the messages the media is sending. Who is portrayed as powerful and successful? How are victims portrayed? Who will children identify with when watching?

When we think about ways to stop bullying in school, it is important to remember these factors. The torments of middle school and adolescence serve to provide experience, both personal and vicarious, of the bully and the victim. This is a teachable moment through which young people can develop character, empathy and compassion for others with the guidance of knowledgeable adults.