Eight is Enough

I am the sixth child of nine children in a Catholic family growing up in the fifties and sixties. I went to a Catholic school with children who typically came from large families. Our family was outnumbered by at least two other families. Most of the many children on my block went to the Catholic school too. A small family in my neighborhood had four children. There was one kid in my class who was an only child. The rest of us wondered how she managed.

This is the perspective I bring to the issue of the 19th child born to the TLC reality show family the Duggars. I know what it feels like to be just another kid in the crowd. I know what it is like to be counted rather than named. I know what it is like to have a strong religious background on display to the world. I even know what it is like to have your family verbally attacked for overpopulating the world.

Like the Duggars, my parents had the resources to feed and clothe all of us. My parents paid for our education in private schools and sent us all to college without aid. It is hard to fault people who can take care of themselves.

As a reality show family I really like the Duggars. They appear easygoing, happy, healthy, and tolerant of differences. The children are allowed to be children. The family spends time together. This is more than can be said about many modern families in America today.

BUT 19 children? Two parents, no matter how wonderful, do not have enough love to nurture 19 children. Let me rephrase that. Love is not enough. Children need to be held, carried, sung to, read to, and listened to in a one on one relationship with a consistent caretaker.

We have decades of research demonstrating the need for gentle physical contact and movement to maintain physical health, a consistent caretaker to maintain emotional health, one to one vocal interaction to develop language and cognitive abilities.

The Duggars have certainly tried to provide for the needs of each child. I just question how they would know if any one of the children was struggling. It is easy to get lost in a crowd.

So on principle as well as experience, I take issue with people who choose to bring up children in a crowd. Not that I would take away the right of any adult to make their own decisions about these matters, but I also have the right to have an opinion and discuss it in public.

The Duggars can espouse to accept each and every child the Lord sends to them. I can encourage self restraint. Michelle Duggar was barely six months from having a cesearian section when she conceived Josie, baby 19. I do not believe there is a biblical injunction to copulate profusely. Common sense would have cautioned against conception so close to surgery. Not using birth control should have cautioned against copulation so close to surgery.

My heart goes out to this family and their beautiful baby Josie who was born way too early.
You can call it the will of God, but God gives us free will. How about exercising a little self-control?