My baby brother, King Richard the Ninth, is dead. My rock, my financial adviser, my friend, my confidant, my brother is gone from my life and I miss him terribly.
He never thought he would live past forty so I should be grateful for the eight extra years. But I am not grateful, I am angry. I am angry at a disease that sucks the joy out of life for so many people in my family and my life. Depression is an insidious thing, that for those of us born with it, is normal life.
For my brother, as for myself, life was always filled with sadness. Joy is hard to come by when you are depressed, and when you manage to grab some, you know it is only fleeting. Going to Catholic school, everyone I knew felt the same. I didn't know anyone who was just plain happy. Being happy on Earth doesn't get you very far in heaven when you are Catholic. Suffering is the way to joy in heaven.
Imagine my confusion when, in college, I met some very contented, as well as some downright happy, people. Wow! I wanted some of whatever it was that they were smoking. These people were not only happy, they were good people. These kind-hearted, calm, contented, happy people were everything I wanted to be. But no matter how hard I tried that happiness eluded me.
There is a segment of the self-help world that preaches that you can think your way to whatever you want in life. It goes by different names at different times but it is essentially the idea that if you can control your thoughts, you can control your destiny. My generation called it positive affirmations, the and power of positive thinking. We Americans really want to believe that you can control your thoughts through the power of will.
Well, can you change your thoughts in any meaningful way? Certainly people change their thinking when they learn new things. As life lessons and science add to our understanding we change the way we see the world. Yes you can change your thoughts through learning.
Now, can you change your thoughts with chemicals? We don't like the idea that simple body chemistry can control something as essential to who we are as our thoughts. The psychiatric community bumps up against the idea of chemistry vs. shear will power in the treatment of psychiatric disease. But the fact remains that depression is a chemical condition of the brain that can be altered by changing brain chemistry.
I found help for my depression in the good medicines available today. Yes diet, exercise, relaxation all play a role, but none of that was possible until I was able to maintain the serotonin balance in my brain. Yes, brain chemistry does impact your very thoughts. I no longer have nightmares or arguments without resolution in my head.
And my brother? I am angry that mental health professionals wanted my brother to deal with the intruding, demanding, racing thoughts in his head with talk therapy. I am angry that when they finally provided him with medication, they gave him an adjunct drug instead of simple depression medication. I am angry that, just as advertised, that drug lead to his suicide.
I understand that suicide can happen and there is no way to predict or prevent it. I understand that no matter what, my brother is at peace and no longer fighting. But I'm still angry.
7/08/2012
6/20/2011
The Real Agenda of "Education Reform"
Posted by
Jon Awbrey
Anyone with a working long-term memory knows where this agenda to “Starve Public Schools Out Of Existence” came from.
Good thing there's web search for the rest of us —
Richard DeVos Advocates “Stealth” Strategy Against Public Education
• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-fTAhc4QC4
Blackwater In-Law DeVos Outlines “Stealth” Plot Against Public Education
• http://www.dailykos.com/story/2011/05/04/972949/-Blackwater-In-Law-DeVos-outlines-stealth-plot-against-Public-Education
Strategy for Privatizing Public Schools Spelled out by Dick DeVos in 2002 Heritage Foundation Speech
• http://www.talk2action.org/story/2011/5/3/12515/58655/Front_Page/Strategy_for_Privatizing_Public_Schools_Spelled_out_by_Dick
Jon Awbrey
1:28 PM on June 15, 2011
Anyone with a working long-term memory knows where this agenda to “Starve Public Schools Out Of Existence” came from.
Good thing there's web search for the rest of us —
Richard DeVos Advocates “Stealth” Strategy Against Public Education
• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-fTAhc4QC4
Blackwater In-Law DeVos Outlines “Stealth” Plot Against Public Education
• http://www.dailykos.com/story/2011/05/04/972949/-Blackwater-In-Law-DeVos-outlines-stealth-plot-against-Public-Education
Strategy for Privatizing Public Schools Spelled out by Dick DeVos in 2002 Heritage Foundation Speech
• http://www.talk2action.org/story/2011/5/3/12515/58655/Front_Page/Strategy_for_Privatizing_Public_Schools_Spelled_out_by_Dick
6/18/2011
My Head Can't Explode Anymore
I have spent the last ten years watching the world devolve. There is so much wrong with the picture that I can no longer look at it. My brain has been shredded beyond recognition. When national events defied logic, I experienced head explosions. By that I mean that I could not hold two mutually exclusive "facts" in my head at the same time. For example, We knew who blew up the towers in September of 2001, but we waited a year or two and marched into a completely innocent country and waged war. Iraq was innocent but we waged war on them. And don't try arguing that we thought Iraq had weapons of mass destruction because I knew they didn't and I discussed this with friends and coworkers before we went in. If I knew simply from paying attention to the news, then congress knew it too. Insert head explosion here.
Then came No Child Left Behind. Instantly recognizable as pretending to put out a non-existent fire by igniting a real one, this was more than I could bear as a teacher. Already frustrated by a teaching force that didn't know how to defend itself against outside idiots, I screamed for teachers to "JUST SAY NO!" When my voice came echoing back to me from the walls of empty silence, I left my tenure, pension, and precious students and quit the public schools. In the eight years since, I have watched insult add to injury, add to insult. If only the smug satisfaction of being right was enough. But public education is so important to a thriving democracy. Oh yeah, I forgot, the United States is a Republic.
Now we are looking at a public school system turned over to private profit making interests. The same kind of interests that turned our economy into a playground. Here are some head exploding facts.
1. School budgets are declining, but since they aren't doing a "good enough" job we should reduce the budget even further. While we are at it, let's dangle lots of money in front of them and watch as they scramble all over themselves to get some in a cruel "Race To The Top."
2. Schools are not producing enough scientists, mathematicians, engineers, and technology geeks so lets make sure that every child in the country learns the same stuff with the same competency. Then we can take instructional time away in order to perform standardized testing because taking standardized tests is what science, engineering, math, and technology are all about.
3. Teachers are not doing a "good enough" job so let's make the job so miserable that the best and the brightest would be happy to work where you can be fired without cause for two to three years, salary is tied to factors beyond control and your pension can be altered at will. People will be flocking to work in violent neighborhoods in dilapidated buildings with no materials to educate hungry, malnourished children who do not speak English.
4. Some schools are so bad at taking the standardized tests that we should set up charter schools that are exempt from tests and oversight. Make sure that it takes lots of parental involvement and savvy to navigate the system to get into these charter schools so that there will only be students with good home lives in these schools. Then the leftover children can try to pass those standardized tests without the distraction of well fed children with enriched life experiences.
Of course, having left that cushy job, I no longer had health insurance. Past fifty with some "pre-existing" conditions, I was not looking forward to finding out what health insurance really costs. You know what really costs the health care industry? Insurance.
My doctor's office has dedicated staff whose sole job is to talk to insurance companies. People who work in health insurance have one purpose, transferring money from you to your health care provider.
In order to do that they need offices, staff, paper, copy machines, telephones, computers, toilet paper, pens, ink cartridges, heat, lighting, desks, health benefits, retirement plans, and most expensive of all, CEO's. This is an entire layer of bureaucracy just to transfer money and suck up the majority of the money in the process.
"But Nancy," you say, "no one can afford to pay the bills if they get really sick."
And I would say, "True, no one can afford hospital bills for catastrophic illness, that is why we pool our money and those who don't get sick help pay for those who do."
"Isn't that socialism?" you cry.
"Yes," I reply, "and it is also called health insurance. If you have health insurance, you are participating in socialism at it's finest."
Then we have the economy. Or rather we no longer have an economy. America's dumbest and dirtiest congress is about to let the country default on it's debts over politics. The richest nation in the world is going to default on it's debts because we have to keep the tax rate low. There are about a hundred things wrong with this, but suffice it to say that GREENSPAN SAID HE WAS WRONG ABOUT CAPITALISM. Markets will NOT regulate themselves.
Finally, I cannot tolerate what passes as journalism today. Anybody can say anything they want, right, wrong, libelous, blasphemous, silly, or outrageous, it must be news. Billions of American dollars are blown away daily in wars, and the lead story on the evening news is what Lady GaGa wore on The View. We can spend a week pounding on a man with an unfortunate name and even less fortunate judgement, and fail to make the connection to the important investigation of Supreme Court Justices' conflict of interests.
It would seem that I have graduated to old fuddy duddy status. How do you seniors tolerate it?
Then came No Child Left Behind. Instantly recognizable as pretending to put out a non-existent fire by igniting a real one, this was more than I could bear as a teacher. Already frustrated by a teaching force that didn't know how to defend itself against outside idiots, I screamed for teachers to "JUST SAY NO!" When my voice came echoing back to me from the walls of empty silence, I left my tenure, pension, and precious students and quit the public schools. In the eight years since, I have watched insult add to injury, add to insult. If only the smug satisfaction of being right was enough. But public education is so important to a thriving democracy. Oh yeah, I forgot, the United States is a Republic.
Now we are looking at a public school system turned over to private profit making interests. The same kind of interests that turned our economy into a playground. Here are some head exploding facts.
1. School budgets are declining, but since they aren't doing a "good enough" job we should reduce the budget even further. While we are at it, let's dangle lots of money in front of them and watch as they scramble all over themselves to get some in a cruel "Race To The Top."
2. Schools are not producing enough scientists, mathematicians, engineers, and technology geeks so lets make sure that every child in the country learns the same stuff with the same competency. Then we can take instructional time away in order to perform standardized testing because taking standardized tests is what science, engineering, math, and technology are all about.
3. Teachers are not doing a "good enough" job so let's make the job so miserable that the best and the brightest would be happy to work where you can be fired without cause for two to three years, salary is tied to factors beyond control and your pension can be altered at will. People will be flocking to work in violent neighborhoods in dilapidated buildings with no materials to educate hungry, malnourished children who do not speak English.
4. Some schools are so bad at taking the standardized tests that we should set up charter schools that are exempt from tests and oversight. Make sure that it takes lots of parental involvement and savvy to navigate the system to get into these charter schools so that there will only be students with good home lives in these schools. Then the leftover children can try to pass those standardized tests without the distraction of well fed children with enriched life experiences.
Of course, having left that cushy job, I no longer had health insurance. Past fifty with some "pre-existing" conditions, I was not looking forward to finding out what health insurance really costs. You know what really costs the health care industry? Insurance.
My doctor's office has dedicated staff whose sole job is to talk to insurance companies. People who work in health insurance have one purpose, transferring money from you to your health care provider.
In order to do that they need offices, staff, paper, copy machines, telephones, computers, toilet paper, pens, ink cartridges, heat, lighting, desks, health benefits, retirement plans, and most expensive of all, CEO's. This is an entire layer of bureaucracy just to transfer money and suck up the majority of the money in the process.
"But Nancy," you say, "no one can afford to pay the bills if they get really sick."
And I would say, "True, no one can afford hospital bills for catastrophic illness, that is why we pool our money and those who don't get sick help pay for those who do."
"Isn't that socialism?" you cry.
"Yes," I reply, "and it is also called health insurance. If you have health insurance, you are participating in socialism at it's finest."
Then we have the economy. Or rather we no longer have an economy. America's dumbest and dirtiest congress is about to let the country default on it's debts over politics. The richest nation in the world is going to default on it's debts because we have to keep the tax rate low. There are about a hundred things wrong with this, but suffice it to say that GREENSPAN SAID HE WAS WRONG ABOUT CAPITALISM. Markets will NOT regulate themselves.
Finally, I cannot tolerate what passes as journalism today. Anybody can say anything they want, right, wrong, libelous, blasphemous, silly, or outrageous, it must be news. Billions of American dollars are blown away daily in wars, and the lead story on the evening news is what Lady GaGa wore on The View. We can spend a week pounding on a man with an unfortunate name and even less fortunate judgement, and fail to make the connection to the important investigation of Supreme Court Justices' conflict of interests.
It would seem that I have graduated to old fuddy duddy status. How do you seniors tolerate it?
10/02/2010
Slow Down for Children
I was working with a friend at a library computer. Over and over she expressed frustration with the speed with which the computer was loading. So I said to her, "Remember when it took an hour and a half to cook dinner? Now eight minutes in the microwave seems forever." Both of us are old enough to remember many things that used to take time and planning.
Take cooking, for instance. First of all you had to plan your shopping. Grocery stores closed in the sixties. Really, someone actually locked the door and turned out the lights at five or six o'clock. You could not buy anything until the next day, unless of course, it was Sunday. Nothing was open on Sunday. Once grocery stores started staying open until nine, the butchers union would not allow the grocery to even SELL meat after six p.m. So plan ahead.
If you had all the ingredients you needed, you prepared them. Peeling potatoes, shucking corn, snapping beans, shelling peas, and chopping vegetables, were jobs for children in the kitchen. That left boning, trussing stuffing, marinading, stewing, roasting, boiling, frying, breading, and baking for adults. The table had to be set. Food was transferred to serving dishes. When dinner was served thanks was given before anyone took a bite.
I hear there is a slow food movement afoot. I think this is a great idea. Personally, I am not much for cooking, but I am not a big fan of speedy food either. Slow is good.
Especially when it comes to children, I feel the need to slow things down. Not that children cannot deal with speed. Many children are quite capable of fast. No, we need to slow things down for children so that there is room to breathe.
Children need time to develop observation skills. The ability to perceive things in the environment is an important thinking skill. Staring at the clouds, watching the rain fall, crunching through the leaves, smelling the flowers, basking in the sun, listening to the insects buzz, licking the spoon are sensations to be savored. Quiet contemplation reveals solutions. Keen observation inspires inventions. Sensation calls to action. Stillness opens us to creation.
It is in the pauses between thoughts that the brain makes new connections.
Take cooking, for instance. First of all you had to plan your shopping. Grocery stores closed in the sixties. Really, someone actually locked the door and turned out the lights at five or six o'clock. You could not buy anything until the next day, unless of course, it was Sunday. Nothing was open on Sunday. Once grocery stores started staying open until nine, the butchers union would not allow the grocery to even SELL meat after six p.m. So plan ahead.
If you had all the ingredients you needed, you prepared them. Peeling potatoes, shucking corn, snapping beans, shelling peas, and chopping vegetables, were jobs for children in the kitchen. That left boning, trussing stuffing, marinading, stewing, roasting, boiling, frying, breading, and baking for adults. The table had to be set. Food was transferred to serving dishes. When dinner was served thanks was given before anyone took a bite.
I hear there is a slow food movement afoot. I think this is a great idea. Personally, I am not much for cooking, but I am not a big fan of speedy food either. Slow is good.
Especially when it comes to children, I feel the need to slow things down. Not that children cannot deal with speed. Many children are quite capable of fast. No, we need to slow things down for children so that there is room to breathe.
Children need time to develop observation skills. The ability to perceive things in the environment is an important thinking skill. Staring at the clouds, watching the rain fall, crunching through the leaves, smelling the flowers, basking in the sun, listening to the insects buzz, licking the spoon are sensations to be savored. Quiet contemplation reveals solutions. Keen observation inspires inventions. Sensation calls to action. Stillness opens us to creation.
It is in the pauses between thoughts that the brain makes new connections.
"The brain is trying to weave ideas together even when you don't think you are thinking of anything," notes Johns Hopkins behavioral neurologist and memory expert Dr. Barry Gordon.So take the time to slow things down, sit and do nothing, watch the world go by with the children you love. And when your child says to you, "I'm bored." you can reply, "That's good."
http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1957114,00.html
2/09/2010
A Rose by Any Other Name
People have been apologizing for using terms which other people, the people demanding the apology, find offensive. This is problematic on many counts. Most importantly, free speech is a right in the United States which is protected by the constitution. Also, these terms are perfectly legitimate words that carry meaning. They are not some made up derrogatory terms. And, the people complaining about these words were not even present when the words were uttered. What gives them the right to be offended?
Free speech, especially speech among friends, should require no apology to anyone outside of the group. Correct usage of words in public requires no apology. Complainers, your ignorance (lack of knowledge) is showing.
Negro and retarded are the most recent words to make the "Apologize to All the People Who Are" list. Historically people have used a variety of terms for the groups of people referenced by these words. In my lifetime I have heard perfectly respectable television reporters use the terms colored, negro, black, African American and for a more general group "people of color." At one time the correct labels for the three levels of below normal intelligence were idiot, imbecile, and moron. I was taught the labels educable mental retardation, trainable mental retardation, severe and profound mental retardation when I was in college. Retarded became handicapped. Handicapped became differently-abled. Differently-abled became special needs.
It seems terminology changes when terms become insults. When a term is well understood and people do not want to belong to the group described, a new term is invented. How sad. If members of the described group could embrace their identity with pride there would be no insult intended or not.
Which brings me to my final point. You have a choice. You can be offended by something someone else says or you can not. Taking offense tells more about the person who is offended than about the person making the offending remark. The fact that any of this makes it to the news is very telling about the state of news reporting today.
"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."
Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)
Free speech, especially speech among friends, should require no apology to anyone outside of the group. Correct usage of words in public requires no apology. Complainers, your ignorance (lack of knowledge) is showing.
Negro and retarded are the most recent words to make the "Apologize to All the People Who Are" list. Historically people have used a variety of terms for the groups of people referenced by these words. In my lifetime I have heard perfectly respectable television reporters use the terms colored, negro, black, African American and for a more general group "people of color." At one time the correct labels for the three levels of below normal intelligence were idiot, imbecile, and moron. I was taught the labels educable mental retardation, trainable mental retardation, severe and profound mental retardation when I was in college. Retarded became handicapped. Handicapped became differently-abled. Differently-abled became special needs.
It seems terminology changes when terms become insults. When a term is well understood and people do not want to belong to the group described, a new term is invented. How sad. If members of the described group could embrace their identity with pride there would be no insult intended or not.
Which brings me to my final point. You have a choice. You can be offended by something someone else says or you can not. Taking offense tells more about the person who is offended than about the person making the offending remark. The fact that any of this makes it to the news is very telling about the state of news reporting today.
"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."
Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)
1/07/2010
You Think?
Things I think are messed up:
Economists talking about education reform.
Take the log out of your own eye before pointing out the speck in your brother's eye.
Micromanagement of everything everywhere.
What makes anyone or any agency think they know more about anything than the people who do that thing everyday?
Goals and objectives equated with quality.
How many business quality management programs have we gone through in the last 30 years?
The flaw in the "objectives equals quality" equation is that the quality of the outcome is proportional to the quality of the goals and objectives. Measuring outcomes only works if you are measuring things that matter.
Blame it on the unions.
Hey unions are made up of workers. The auto unions are the people who put your car together in the factory. The teachers unions are the teachers who wipe your kids noses. So you can blame the "workers" in unions all you want but what you are really criticizing are the people who make the world run so that "executives" can pretend that poop, vomit, and snot don't happen. The most important people in the world are the ones who clean up after everyone else goes home.
Blame it on the government.
Again, you are talking about "We the people." Anytime you say "the government" you should substitute "The American People." The American people spend too much. The American people are controlled by lobbyiests. Even better, you could substitute "I." I invaded Iraq. I tortured people who were turned in as enemy combatants by people who were paid to turn them in. I was so angry that I was willing to lock up people and deprive them of liberty for years without a trial.
"Enemy Combatents" and all other euphemisms.
My favorite euphemism is "potentially English proficient." I like to call myself potentially Japaneese proficient. What it really means is "doesn't speak English" and "doesn't speak Japaneese."
Apologies
A fourth grade teacher I know told us on curriculum night that she teaches children that often "Sorry" isn't enough. For example, if you go to a restaurant and order a steak and the waiter brings you a hot dog, would you be satisfied with an apology? No, you want the waiter to bring you a steak. When you make a mistake you need to try to fix it.
Even worse is the demand for an apology. Demanding that one feel regret and further demanding that this regret be anounced pubically, well that's messed up.
This "Standardization" movement
Here's a great idea, let's sell clothes in standard sizes. It would be great if a size 12 was always a size 12. That way we could be sure that clothing makers were putting out correct sizes. Of course we would have to keep tailors from making alterations because then the clothing would no longer be a standard size. We should also do away with those pesky size 12 tall and 12 petite that mess with the standards. Designers shouldn't be able to cut the calf wider or shorten the rise on a particular line because that defies the concept of standard and reduces quality.
So for today, that's what I think is messed up.
Economists talking about education reform.
Take the log out of your own eye before pointing out the speck in your brother's eye.
Micromanagement of everything everywhere.
What makes anyone or any agency think they know more about anything than the people who do that thing everyday?
Goals and objectives equated with quality.
How many business quality management programs have we gone through in the last 30 years?
The flaw in the "objectives equals quality" equation is that the quality of the outcome is proportional to the quality of the goals and objectives. Measuring outcomes only works if you are measuring things that matter.
Blame it on the unions.
Hey unions are made up of workers. The auto unions are the people who put your car together in the factory. The teachers unions are the teachers who wipe your kids noses. So you can blame the "workers" in unions all you want but what you are really criticizing are the people who make the world run so that "executives" can pretend that poop, vomit, and snot don't happen. The most important people in the world are the ones who clean up after everyone else goes home.
Blame it on the government.
Again, you are talking about "We the people." Anytime you say "the government" you should substitute "The American People." The American people spend too much. The American people are controlled by lobbyiests. Even better, you could substitute "I." I invaded Iraq. I tortured people who were turned in as enemy combatants by people who were paid to turn them in. I was so angry that I was willing to lock up people and deprive them of liberty for years without a trial.
"Enemy Combatents" and all other euphemisms.
My favorite euphemism is "potentially English proficient." I like to call myself potentially Japaneese proficient. What it really means is "doesn't speak English" and "doesn't speak Japaneese."
Apologies
A fourth grade teacher I know told us on curriculum night that she teaches children that often "Sorry" isn't enough. For example, if you go to a restaurant and order a steak and the waiter brings you a hot dog, would you be satisfied with an apology? No, you want the waiter to bring you a steak. When you make a mistake you need to try to fix it.
Even worse is the demand for an apology. Demanding that one feel regret and further demanding that this regret be anounced pubically, well that's messed up.
This "Standardization" movement
Here's a great idea, let's sell clothes in standard sizes. It would be great if a size 12 was always a size 12. That way we could be sure that clothing makers were putting out correct sizes. Of course we would have to keep tailors from making alterations because then the clothing would no longer be a standard size. We should also do away with those pesky size 12 tall and 12 petite that mess with the standards. Designers shouldn't be able to cut the calf wider or shorten the rise on a particular line because that defies the concept of standard and reduces quality.
So for today, that's what I think is messed up.
1/04/2010
Eight is Enough
I am the sixth child of nine children in a Catholic family growing up in the fifties and sixties. I went to a Catholic school with children who typically came from large families. Our family was outnumbered by at least two other families. Most of the many children on my block went to the Catholic school too. A small family in my neighborhood had four children. There was one kid in my class who was an only child. The rest of us wondered how she managed.
This is the perspective I bring to the issue of the 19th child born to the TLC reality show family the Duggars. I know what it feels like to be just another kid in the crowd. I know what it is like to be counted rather than named. I know what it is like to have a strong religious background on display to the world. I even know what it is like to have your family verbally attacked for overpopulating the world.
Like the Duggars, my parents had the resources to feed and clothe all of us. My parents paid for our education in private schools and sent us all to college without aid. It is hard to fault people who can take care of themselves.
As a reality show family I really like the Duggars. They appear easygoing, happy, healthy, and tolerant of differences. The children are allowed to be children. The family spends time together. This is more than can be said about many modern families in America today.
BUT 19 children? Two parents, no matter how wonderful, do not have enough love to nurture 19 children. Let me rephrase that. Love is not enough. Children need to be held, carried, sung to, read to, and listened to in a one on one relationship with a consistent caretaker.
We have decades of research demonstrating the need for gentle physical contact and movement to maintain physical health, a consistent caretaker to maintain emotional health, one to one vocal interaction to develop language and cognitive abilities.
The Duggars have certainly tried to provide for the needs of each child. I just question how they would know if any one of the children was struggling. It is easy to get lost in a crowd.
So on principle as well as experience, I take issue with people who choose to bring up children in a crowd. Not that I would take away the right of any adult to make their own decisions about these matters, but I also have the right to have an opinion and discuss it in public.
The Duggars can espouse to accept each and every child the Lord sends to them. I can encourage self restraint. Michelle Duggar was barely six months from having a cesearian section when she conceived Josie, baby 19. I do not believe there is a biblical injunction to copulate profusely. Common sense would have cautioned against conception so close to surgery. Not using birth control should have cautioned against copulation so close to surgery.
My heart goes out to this family and their beautiful baby Josie who was born way too early.
You can call it the will of God, but God gives us free will. How about exercising a little self-control?
This is the perspective I bring to the issue of the 19th child born to the TLC reality show family the Duggars. I know what it feels like to be just another kid in the crowd. I know what it is like to be counted rather than named. I know what it is like to have a strong religious background on display to the world. I even know what it is like to have your family verbally attacked for overpopulating the world.
Like the Duggars, my parents had the resources to feed and clothe all of us. My parents paid for our education in private schools and sent us all to college without aid. It is hard to fault people who can take care of themselves.
As a reality show family I really like the Duggars. They appear easygoing, happy, healthy, and tolerant of differences. The children are allowed to be children. The family spends time together. This is more than can be said about many modern families in America today.
BUT 19 children? Two parents, no matter how wonderful, do not have enough love to nurture 19 children. Let me rephrase that. Love is not enough. Children need to be held, carried, sung to, read to, and listened to in a one on one relationship with a consistent caretaker.
We have decades of research demonstrating the need for gentle physical contact and movement to maintain physical health, a consistent caretaker to maintain emotional health, one to one vocal interaction to develop language and cognitive abilities.
The Duggars have certainly tried to provide for the needs of each child. I just question how they would know if any one of the children was struggling. It is easy to get lost in a crowd.
So on principle as well as experience, I take issue with people who choose to bring up children in a crowd. Not that I would take away the right of any adult to make their own decisions about these matters, but I also have the right to have an opinion and discuss it in public.
The Duggars can espouse to accept each and every child the Lord sends to them. I can encourage self restraint. Michelle Duggar was barely six months from having a cesearian section when she conceived Josie, baby 19. I do not believe there is a biblical injunction to copulate profusely. Common sense would have cautioned against conception so close to surgery. Not using birth control should have cautioned against copulation so close to surgery.
My heart goes out to this family and their beautiful baby Josie who was born way too early.
You can call it the will of God, but God gives us free will. How about exercising a little self-control?
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